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"And we can." Three examples sprang to mind: My husband, 15 months younger than I am, had dated only women about our age before meeting me.

Often the search for love can become a juggling act that requires you to merge respect for your own cultural heritage with the ins and outs of the modern NZ dating scene.

It’s a quest for balance that’s made even trickier when you’re seeking more than just a cultural connection. Finding a partner to whose lifestyle, personality, and relationship goals are compatible with your own can be done – it's simply a matter of looking in the right place.

Then he cut to the chase: "Is it OK for me to date? In fact, if I weren't married, I'd respond." The woman behind him — an impeccably groomed retired teacher with gorgeous red hair — confided that she'd just been abandoned by her husband of 39 years. I just want dinner, a movie and a little conversation with a man." Glancing at her cool-looking beads and earrings, I was tempted to ask her to accessorize me. "While you're at it," I went on, "tell everyone you know that you want to be fixed up." "That sounds scary." I couldn't argue with that. It was for me too, but the guys who delivered my Chinese food — the only ones I saw when I was newly divorced — weren't in the dating pool. But not taking one is even scarier." The lovely woman looked unconvinced, but I forged ahead.

" I hesitated, because that "for better or for worse / in sickness and in health" part of the marriage vows was echoing through my mind, and I'm a big fan of loyalty at all costs. " He said he lived in a small town and did not know any women. "He told me he wanted to be alone." She rolled her eyes, then flashed a nervous smile. I suggested she might find kindred spirits at events or on trips for educators, or simply by pursuing whatever activities and hobbies she loves. "Go out to eat in restaurants — alone, not with a friend. I had to leave my comfort zone just to come up to you." "But see? Now just keep going." I told her she was pretty, engaging and easy to talk to, and that men would find her likewise. "Go out for breakfast or lunch." I have no doubt she will.